Debunking the Debby-downer

Dear Patient Readers,
    I've been skimming among my past posts and have seen an sad trend developing.  Unintentionally, this blog has been where I rant relentlessly about miseries without sharing joys, triumphs, or victories.  Some of you may think that I am a miserable person to be around, majorly depressed, or the worlds most verbose Debby-downer. Rest assured, I am non of the above!

After identifying this trend, I took some time to figure out the why.  Why so negative in my writing?  Life is pretty darn good in general, and as painful as my Lyme's can be, it's not taken my soul or forced me to change direction with my life.  Then it dawned on me - I post late at night.  (Umm ...what?)  I go through my whole day like an almost normal human being, bouncing around and doing things to the best of my ability.  Then, someone will  ask me non-Kosher questions and look me in the eye, genuinely concerned.  As touching as it is to know that I am loved, it's really distracting to be asked these questions.  They draw my attention back to my body and seek out any pain that might be there, whether masked or suppressed.  See my 2nd post for more on Kosher Questions.

I say things like "I'm just fine" "Pretty good" "Alright" "Not too bad" and "Shufflin' on," with each response gradually becoming less rosy and more real as the day wears on and the Advil wears off.  By the time I sit down to type, I am out of positive/optimistic/cheerful things to say.  I've used them all up on my friends and family.  WHY don't you just tell them the truth?  Tell them exactly what you feel!  Well I can't do that, now can I?  Then they look at me with pity in their eyes, and with groaning voices, pat my shoulder and say "aw, pumpkin! I'm sorry you hurt." "aw, baby-doll, have you taken any meds to help?"  "aw, why does my sweetheart feel bad?"

Aw, Aw, AAAAWWWW!!!!!! >,<      yuck.

 I hate letting people down, and I hate it when other people try to suffer for me.  These groans of sympathy make me feel worse because I know you're suffering too.  I don't want that to happen!! DON'T SUFFER EXTRA FOR ME, I'm doing it enough on my own, thank you very much.  My family is the number one perpetrator in this business. Others do so unwittingly, but that's to be expected from the uneducated.  I enjoy filling up others with hope, joy, and sunshine, but just because I do so whenever I can does not mean that I'm inherently void of darkness and turmoil.  It is so easy for me to gift my happiness to those around me, but when I pour out my heart to my loved ones in person, all that's left to write here is in my mind - the angst- and my body - the pain. That's why I can't tell them how I really feel - we both end up hurting.

This is my very long-winded way of saying PLEASE do not fear for me, cry for me, or suffer for me in any way.  PLEASE do not dismiss me as a whiny blogger who just wants attention.  PLEASE understand that what I write here if for my good too, not just to keep you informed.  It has been incredibly therapeutic for me to set aside time to catalog all of these thoughts and straighten out my feelings without burdening one specific person with my entire life.

dear ones, I can feel your prayers every day.
All my love,
~Melissa