Round Three

I can't believe it.  I can't believe I'm here again.

I can't believe that after 13 months of being symptom free, I am once again limited by these physical bounds of Lyme's disease.

After being symptomatic for over two weeks, I've tried a dozen different things and made up a hundred different excuses for why I hurt, for why I don't feel rested, for why everything makes me nauseous. Oh I'm stressed, I worked out too hard, I have been up late studying too many nights in a row, it's the change in the whether, it's because I haven't been around horses enough, etc etc.  But let's face it, what 21 year old wakes up after 3 days of rest with stiff, sore elbows and hands, and a headache? What healthy young woman has arthritic pain, nausea, depression, and fatigue for two solid weeks?

At the doctor's office on Wednesday, I was given another pep talk on living a positive, healthy lifestyle instead of dwelling on my aches and pains, and how that will make me feel better.  Be in the sun, be grateful, be positive, be optimistic, be willing to say "this isn't necessarily a disease, this might just be natural."

Poppycock.

  I take vitamins, get outdoors, ride, exercise at least 3x a week, I am one of the most positive and uplifting people I know, and I am an expert and making excuses and justifications for my pain.  Yet I still see that what I am suffering is beyond the scope of "natural" or "to be expected" for an overworked college student.  Something is very wrong.

Then, my doctor was so bold as to say that *if* what I have is Lyme's, it is "curable" with antibiotics and I shouldn't have had another flair up this far after-the-fact.  If this round doesn't "cure" me, then we're back to square one looking for another diagnosis, because this would rule out it being Lyme's.
            Um, excuse me?  I thought that Lyme's could live in someone's system for the rest of their life?  I thought this was to be expected.  Now you're trying to tell me that I have arthritis that causes mood swings, fatigue, and nausea?  I don't think so.  Do you have any idea, Mr. Dr., how discouraging and painful it is for me to be told that I've been fighting the wrong battle for two years?  If it's not Lyme's, why did my symptoms respond the first two times you put me on antibiotics?  I know it's not psychosomatic, I know I'm not crazy, I know it's not a positive intent and getting enough sunshine type of problem, that's why I'm coming to you looking for help.

Needless to day, I am discourage, disheartened, and desperately trying to keep it together.

As always, I am ever-grateful for those around me who continue to encourage me as I fight for my health, and now, my sanity.

Love,
~Melissa